if you don't know where to start, try the beginning...

if you're reading this, then you probably already know me and/or what it is exactly you're getting into.... if not, i will elaborate. first and foremost you need to understand that i don't especially care about your feelings. i do, however, intend to set shit off and push the known boundaries of fun. this may include (but isn't limited to): keepin' it crunk, ballin' n' flossin' in the club, ballin' n' flossin' at your grandmamma's silver wedding anniversary party, bustin' some ill wizard party* hi-jinx type shit, mobbin', bouncin', world travel, sitting with a good friend on the curb in front of a convenience store and drinking the cheapest alcohol they sell, babble-boxin', spittin' hot fire, spittin' that bible code, throwin' bones, dice games, sneaking in, sneaking out, hot hot skateboard love affairs, learning the hard way, spending the day at the museum, fishin', copyright infringement, dirty deeds, mayhem, plundering , pillaging, debauchery, social terrorism, salting the earth, going forth, laying waste, and all types of ill shit. ect.....





*for those of you who don't yet know about the joy and wonder that is the ''wizard party'', do continue....

how it works:

first, you must aquire a lot of beer (in cans) ....not a lot like enough to get your little sister tipsy, a lot like you've been sailing the frozen arctic deep for weeks, plundering small villages and you've developed an insatiable king's thirst. then follow these simple instructions, fresh off the mothafuckin' scroll:


attach thy freshy to thy empty with thy tape of duct. when thy staff is taller than thyself, one has achieved 'wizard' status.

what this means is you drink a beer, and when it's empty, you put your new beer on top of the empty one and tape them together to build your staff. when the staff is taller than you, you are a wizard..... if you are the first person to achieve wizard status, then you are the BOSS-WIZARD and have full range to dog cuss all serfs, peasants, and sub-wizards as you see fit.

example dialogue:

sub-wizard: hey man, grab me a beer while you're up.

BOSS-WIZARD: fuck nahh, dare you address me as if i were a lowly stable boy?

sub-wizard: dude, just grab me a beer.

BOSS-WIZARD: do you see this staff bitch? I am the ONE-TRUE-BOSS-WIZARD. you can pour yourself a tall glass of my dick and suck it. dost that quench thy thirst peasant?

as you can see, only a TRUE-BOSS-WIZARD can harness such power as to be able to adorn himself in the forbidden velvets and pelts of our fair land.

go forth and lay waste.

XOXO.