...and speaking of wizards and all things totally haunted

i've been fucking psyched lately on the band 'electric wizard' ....they're like the black sabbath DOOOOOOM, but post-shock value and without an autistic singer/songwriter that came back from the dead to do reality t.v./insurance/whatever the fuck commercials. being a wizard is tight... listening to wizard music is tight.... but being a wizard and listening to wizard music is like other world shit ya know, it's like... and then i was all like, and they were like NO WAY! ....and i was like nuh uhhhhhhhhhhhh. watch this 'electric wizard' video that's actually just the music set to the first 10 minutes of a film called begotten. the film quality is top-notch and if you want to know what happens in this crucial 10 minutes (spoiler alert!!!!!!) GOD DISEMBOWELS HIMSELF AND GIVES BIRTH TO MOTHER NATURE.... that's what the fuck is up.

if you're feelin' the wizard sound you may want to just go ahead and get your hat rack bashed by another band i think worthy of mention.... 'black cobra'. almost anything that has to do with DOOOOOOM metal that involves wizards or cobras for that matter.

an honorable mention goes to the band 'sex cobra' for having the name i most wish i had been given at birth. this band doesn't really rock the microphone that hard, but they keep it old guys real. this sounds more like some in the tape deck and on the road with horseshoe balding pattern and a leather vest adorned with no less than 2 american legion patches type of jams. this is some shit that ''that one uncle'' everyone has would be really into if he weren't too drunk and distracted by ''worn out'' women to remember...... all you uncles out there do your thing though... if you can't go home with a ''10'' then take home two ''5's'' ....also in the cobra department is the lovely german duo 'cobra killer' ...these two fabulous young women from germany dress like WWII era housewives, play synths, sample, sing, hoola hoop, and pour red wine on themselves as well as the audience whilst doing it all. can't make that shit up.

and to tie it all together (loosely) ...if nothing here was raw enough, check out 'antaeus'. the video for their top 40 smash hit 'blood war III' is about as close to the pinnacle of human achievement as one can get without getting the babel treatment. the name 'antaeus' actually comes from greek mythology. the son of poseidon and gaia, antaeus was a giant who would challenge anyone he met to a wrestling match and kill them to collect their skull for a tower built in honor of his father. unfortunately, he only had the strength of a giant when in contact with the earth (his mother) and alas hercules (who apparently kicked the shit out every person, place, and thing known to anyone in that time) lifted him into the air and hugged him to death.... how romantic. the band however is not greek, they are french... which seems kind of like an oxymoron for being black metal. hmmmmmm..... french black metal... doing a song about war? i thought the french approach to war was to just surrender. the french seem to me to be kind of like the hog-nosed snake of western war. for those of you who might not be serpent savvy, these snakes never bite. it's true. when they get scared they actually play dead.... or they go to their plan-b defense which is to flare up and immitate a cobra....... even though the two types (cobras and hog-nosed) don't even exist on the same continent.

man, what a crazzzy parrrty.